I don't remember the last time I carried one of my sons. They’re all adults now so it’s been many years. I don’t know what was happening the day I set each one back onto his own two feet and never picked him up again. No one told me it was the last time. No one said, “You won’t pick him up again after this. At least, not in the same way. You won’t carry him because he’s too tired to walk on his own, or because he's sick, scared, or hurt.”
I just put him down and that was it. What was going on? Was I in a rush? Did I savor his arms around me or his face nuzzled against me?
When they're tiny, it seems like you rarely put them down. They go through the clingy phases when no one will do but Mom. You love them fiercely, but sometimes you just want a break. Your arms and back want to do what you need to do without an extra thirty or forty pounds nestled on your hip. But then it ends and you don't even notice, not till years later when you ask yourself, "When was the last time I picked him up?"
This is motherhood: thousands of days and one breath, an eternity and a blink, never-ending and a flash.
You put them down one day. They're on their own two feet, walking out on their own, on their own journeys. But the real truth is, we never stop carrying them, do we? We'll carry their hopes, dreams, secrets, fears, frustrations, grief, joys, and determination with us for all the days we are here.
I can't remember the last time I picked up one of my little boys. If yours have reached a certain age, you probably can't either. But, I know this: We will carry them in our hearts as long as there is breath in our bodies. We will carry them always.
When they’re tiny, it seems like you never put them down. Some days, you just want a break. Your arms and back want to do what you need to get done without an extra 30 or 40 pounds on your hip. But then it ends and you don’t even notice until years later when you ask yourself, “When was the last time I picked him up?”
This is motherhood: a million days and one breath, an eternity and a blink, never-ending and a flash.
You put them down one day. They’re on their own two feet and walking out onto their own, on their own journeys. But the truth is, we never stop carrying them, do we? We’ll carry their hopes, fears, dreams, secrets, frustrations, determination, joys, and grief.
I can’t remember the last time I picked up my little boys and you probably can’t remember your last time either. But I know this, we will carry them in our hearts as long as there is breath in our bodies. We will carry them always.
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