Everyone either knows it or will know it someday. Loss brings grief, such a profound feeling that those who have yet to experience it cannot understand the abyss. While some say there are five, others claim there are seven stages of grief. People will say you’re in denial, or sad, or angry. They'll try to figure out where you are on this most personal journey, but unless they have trudged the same path they will not fully understand.
Loss and grief are torturous things, powerful enough to lay the mightiest lower than they imagined possible. When you’re in the midst of it, all you know is pain and the tears that have no end. Those who have experienced loss know. People will offer words, flowers, food, and tokens of remembrance. You numbly accept their offerings and try to put on a brave face, at least during the daytime. But, when the long sleepless hours take over, the grief monster pounces. Day after day, the pain gnaws at your being and you try to survive. Just survive.
Eventually, recovery starts, moving grievers slowly forward on their own journeys, changed forever, but advancing, until one day they’re brave enough, or strong enough, to look back.
Today, I looked back and a startling thought struck me. I discovered that loss, although painful, melded me into a better person. Smoothed. Appreciative. Wiser.
Smoothed enough to be kinder and gentler with those fighting their own demons. Appreciative of the little things and ordinary moments with those you love, realizing no matter how much you love what you have, you won’t know how much you value it until you no longer have it. Wiser from learning some of life’s hardest lessons, recognizing that throughout life, people and things will come and go, but loss stays with you. This wisdom will help when you lose another, help you learn how to survive.
Yes, loss teaches. It teaches that emptiness and pain come with grief and will never leave. That void and pain are part of you now, but eventually you’ll find joy again. Pain and joy are often kept separate in our psyches for ease, but eventually one joyful moment will sprinkle itself on top of the pain. The pain and joy contrast, but once mixed, become more than ever before, a new entity drawing you back to living. Smiles and laughter will become natural again. Memories and new experiences will once again bring happy feelings. The pain is always there, but it doesn’t hold center stage any more. Yes, loss is a great teacher, perhaps the greatest teacher.
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